going to bed late and then realizing you have homework due the next day
oh my. what a shock. an attractive ADULT actor has sex. safe sex. oh the horror. the horror. how could an actor who was famous as a child ever have sex. my childhood is ruined now that i know she has sex. i never knew she would ever do such a disgusting unnatural thing like have sex. i am appalled. wow.
*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*
Keep your furry family members safe!!!
[brushes your hair] hey
[bakes you cookies] hey guess what
[kisses ur cheek] ur very special and important and i love you
bye guys this is my stop
How I want ALL my dates to end. ALL of them.
me at parties
MY MOM JUST ASKED ME WHAT I WANT MY CAKE TO BE FOR MY SPIDER-MAN THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY AND I TOLD HER I WANT IT TO BE IN THE SHAPE OF ANDREW GARFIELD’S BUTT AND SHE WAS LIKE “SEND ME SOME PHOTOS I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO” OH MY GOD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
'Scuse me, but may I have a piece of that ass?Do you know how many times I made that joke at my party